8 Terrible Movies Starring NBA Players

Basketball players are not actors. That's pretty obvious. So naturally, when an NBA player is cast in a movie, they're performances aren't all that great. And when the performances in a movie are bad, then that usually means the movie is bad. And that's what this list is full of, awful movies with basketball players in roles. Now, when I say that, I'm not counting movies where NBA players make quick cameos as themselves, so movies like Jack & Jill and Grown Up 2 (as terrible as they are) are obviously excluded. Also, as much as I'm pretty sure no likes Amy Schumer, Trainwreck (which also stars LeBron James) is not on here, as I've never seen it and it has a 86% on Rotten Tomatoes, so it seems like a lot of people genuinely like this movie. So with that out of the way, here are 8 terrible movies starring NBA players.

Kazaam

Few players in the history of the NBA have had as colorful a personality as Shaquille O'Neal. With that in mind, it's probably not surprising that Shaq has made multiple appearances on the big screen. While he's mostly been relegated to quick cameos either as himself (like in Scary Movie 4 and Good Burger) or as a named character (like in Grown Ups 2 and the Smurfs 2), O'Neal has had a few starring roles, and two as the lead actor. The first of which was Kazaam, released in 1996. Not to be confused with Shazaam, a movie starring Sinbad with a similar plot that also doesn't exist, Kazaam sees the Big Diesel play the titular Kazaam, a genie who lives in a boombox and hangs out with a kid after unleashes him from said boombox. The film was an absolute bomb, failing to make back it's $20 million budget and has an atrocious 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Famous film critic Gene Siskel would even refer to the film as "marketing, not moviemaking." Shaq's role in the film has become the butt of many jokes, but that wouldn't stop him from taking another lead role the next year. But, more on that later.

Double Team

Sticking with another one of the most colorful personalities in NBA history, Dennis Rodman would also attempt to take his talents to Hollywood on more than one occasion. The first of these acting roles would come in 1997 with Double Team. One of the two American films that Tsui Hark would direct, Double Team sees Rodman "star" alongside Jean-Claude Van Damme, who plays a spy that teams up with Rodman's Yaz, an arms dealer, to save his wife from Stavros (played by Mickey Rourke), a terrorist and Van Damme's arch enemy. I put "stars" in quotes because despite being second-billed, Rodman is not in this movie all that much. In what has been referred to as a poor man's James Bond, Double Team was mostly taken apart by critics and audiences. The film holds an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes, failed to make back even half of it's $30 million budget, and won three Golden Raspberry Awards, with Rodman winning Worst Supporting Actor, Worst New Star, and Worst Screen Couple with Van Damme.

Simon Sez

Despite the utter failure of Double Team, one production company was willing to not only cast Dennis Rodman in another movie, but were willing to give him the lead role in the film. And that film became 1999's Simon Sez. Directed by Kevin Alyn Elders, Simon Sez sees Rodman play the titular Simon, an Interpol agent who attempts to stop a crazy arms dealer. Also, Dane Cook is there, and everyone knows that "Starring Dane Cook" is the mark of quality. This film was an even bigger disaster than Double Team, as it would receive the infamous 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and made less than $300,000 at the box office, less than 3% of it's $10 million budget. Rodman, however, did receive praise from the New York Times for his role, calling him "inescapably watchable." However, outside of a role in Cutway starring one of the Baldwins not named Alec, Rodman would mostly stay away from big roles.

Thunderstruck

If you combined Like Mike and Space Jam, you'd get Thunderstruck. That's exactly what Warner Brothers did, and Thunderstruck was released in 2012. Starring Kevin Durant as himself, the film follows a high school kid who wants to play for his school's basketball team, but never makes the cut. However, one night during an Oklahoma City Thunder game, the kid meets Durant and receives an autographed basketball from him. A random energy surge ends up transferring Durant's talents to the kid, leading the kid becoming his school's star player while Durant falls into a major slump. Obviously a movie for kids, the film isn't heinously bad in any way and while it holds a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes, the audience rating was 70%.

The Perfect Score

Darius Miles had a relatively short career in the NBA, playing a total of seven seasons over nine years with four different teams. For his career, Miles averaged 10.1 points, 4.9 rebounds, and 1.1 blocks per game while shooting 47% from the field. Needless to say, Miles was not that big of name in the league, even during his playing days. However, that didn't stop MTV from bringing him on to star in 2004's The Perfect Score, a comedy-heist movie that also starred Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson, the future Captain America and Black Widow. The Avengers this is not, however. The film follows a group of high school students who plan to steal the answers to the SAT in order to get perfect scores. Miles plays Desmond, a basketball star who needs a good score to get in St. Johns. Heavily considered a terrible Breakfast Club-Mission Impossible mash-up, the film holds a 17% on Rotten Tomatoes. Outside of this movie, Miles has one other role in his filmography, a cameo in Van Wilder, but that's it for his acting career.

Conan the Destroyer

Arnold Schwarzenegger might not be a very good actor in the usual sense, but the man has been apart of some of the best action films of all time. Whether it be Predator, Commando, Total Recall, The Running Man, or the Terminator films (Genesyis excluded), few people have been in so many awesome films as Schwarzenegger. Also among those is Conan the Barbarian. That film has a sequel, Conan the Destroyer. It is not awesome, but it does have Wilt Chamberlain in it, so here it is. Released in 1984, Conan the Destroyer follows Schwarzenegger's Conan as he leads a group of warriors to escort a princess to restore a horn of a God. Among the group is Wilt Chamberlain, who plays Bombaata. Unlike the original, this film has a more comedic tone and significantly tones down the violence, which could account for the poor reception the film received. While it did make more than it's $18 million budget, it does hold a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes and was nominated for two Golden Raspberry Awards. This would be Wilt Chamberlain's only acting role. The film also sees an appearance by Andre the Giant, which I'm only mentioning because it segways into the next movie on the list.

My Giant

Billy Crystal met Andre the Giant on the set of the Princess Bride and the two became friends. Apparently, that friendship was enough to inspire Crystal to write a whole movie, which he would also produce. That movie would end up being 1998's My Giant, which Crystal would also star in. Standing in as Andre in the story was Gheorghe Muresan, a 7'7 Romanian who would play six seasons in the NBA and won the Most Improved Player award in 1996. Muresan plays Max, a Romanian giant who befriends Crystal's Sammy, a talent agent who attempts to make him a star in Hollywood. Also, Steven Seagal is in it. That should give you a good indication of whether or not this movie is any good. The movie bombed, pulling in less than half of it's $20 million budget and holds a 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. Muresan's performance has been described as "sweet and endearing" but this would be his only major acting gig.

Steel

And finally, we come full circle and return to the filmography of Shaquille O'Neal. Shaq is not a terrible actor, as he showed somewhat in Blue Chips, but "not being terrible" really isn't a good description for a lead actor. However, Shaq would take the role of the main character in two movies. The first was Kazaam, and a year after that, we got Steel. Originally a supporting character to Superman, the 1997 film ignores that and puts Steel at the forefront with his own film. Steel sees Shaq play the titular character Steel/John Henry Irons, a weapons designer for the US military. Irons resigns after his weapons end up paralyzing his partner Sparky during a demonstration, but after he discovers gang members using his weapons in a bank robbery, he teams back up with Sparky and become Steel, a vigilante who fights crime. As someone who loves superhero movies, let me just say that this is among the worst ever made. The acting is terrible and it's about as cliche as a superhero movie can be. Critics seemed to agree, as this film holds a 12% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and just a 15% audience rating. It also bombed big time at the box office, making under $2 million dollars of it's $16 million budget. That was the end of Shaq's career as a leading man, and thankfully so because I'd rather not watch another Steel-quality movie again.

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